Dark Days

I think I am having a nervous breakdown. This has been a very black week for me. I am going through some kind of depressive episode, and I feel trapped in it. I hate my job, although hate seems like an awfully nice word to describe how I feel. I am just swimming in a sea of hopelessness, sadness, and self-loathing that is sucking me under daily. I know I need help. I have a Prozac prescription in my purse. Can't seem to find the energy to get it filled. I have somehow managed to stick with the WW in spite of everything else that is going on. Depression must stifle your appetite because I really don't feel like oinking out like I normally do. Still, progress on the scale is heartbreakingly slow and discouraging. Of course, I'm sure that my metabolism is in the toilet since it takes an act of Congress just to get me to bathe or put on something other than jammies. I feel like a slug. I have no energy or motivation. That is all I feel like saying today. Maybe things will perk up after payday on Friday.

Back from Vacation

I took a two day vacation from counting my points, and now I have to walk the straight and narrow for the rest of the week. I didn't plan this break, it just happened. I made the mistake of buying Ben and Jerry's with a two-for-one coupon that I had. I told myself I'd just have 1/2 cup each day (7 points) and that it would be fine since I'm accounting for the points and it may even have some benefit since I have trouble getting my calcium servings in. I didn't count on not being able to stop at 1/2 cup. What started as good intentions turned into a full-on oink fest. Needless to say, the Ben and Jerry's is now gone. I will never buy it again. I don't have the willpower, and I know it now. I will also not buy cheese in a tub because I can't control myself with this either. I will stick to Laughing Cow wedges and take them to work. They are nicely premeasured so I don't have to worry about getting into a feeding frenzy and eating all of it. On a positive note, I did start exercising yesterday. I only made it about 5 minutes but it was a start, and I will build on it each day.

Baby Steps

Got my first 5 points card today...yeah!! Lost 2.8 pounds this week. Slow and steady wins the race, I guess. Had a great day with my points and getting all my veggies in. I still have a hard time with milk and getting all my water. Working nights, I drink a lot of caffeinated diet soda, which I need to replace with water, but it's hard to make it through the night without the caffeine. I'm going to start weaning myself this week.

I also need to do a better job of exercising on a daily basis. My goal for the week is to do 30 minutes of exercise at least three days this week. Some of the girls at work are doing WW with varying degrees of commitment, but it really helps to have people to commiserate with.

Next goal: 10 pounds!

Jen

Another Craving Bites the Dust

Feeling much better about things as I am actually seeing some slight movement on the scale. Yesterday, I was craving a big, drippy, cheesy pizza. I actually considered giving myself the day off from WW and just oinking out. If I had actually gotten the pizza, I would have eaten the whole thing. BUT...somehow I got the strength to not go there. Instead, I grilled a lean burger, put it on a 1 point whole wheat bun, and devoured it with 1 oz. of Lay's chips for crunch. Perhaps not the very healthiest choice, but it killed the craving, and I stayed within my points for the day.

I've been incorporating some exercise into my routine, albeit very little. However, it's a start, and I feel good about it. In fact, I feel good in general, with more energy and strength and optimism than I've had for a while.

Weigh-in and meeting Saturday AM. Will update then.

Jen

Hell and Damnation!

I've had a couple of really great days as far as WW goes. I've stayed OP with my points, and I didn't use them for junk. Yesterday was a "perfect" day; I ate exactly my point allotment, ate 6 fruit and vegs, got my water in, my oils, my milk servings (and I hate milk!). I expected some positive feedback from the Health-O-Meter and all I got was a big middle finger from it. Not one ounce down no matter how many times I weighed and re-weighed myself. I have to admit that while I intellectually know that the slow nature of the weight loss is the reason WW works in the long term, that doesn't stop me from wanting to see some results. I know it's harder for me because in the past on carb-restricted programs the weight just fell off in the beginning. I just couldn't stick to it long enough to lose all my extra weight. So I'd stop and gain it all back plus some. So I know I'm better off now. What can I say? Sometimes a gal just needs to get it in writing! Nevertheless, I am determined (even if a little deflated).

Back on Track

Okay, here goes yet another attempt to get these pounds off once and for all. Restarted Weight Watchers two weeks ago. Weight has gone from 320.8 to 317 so far. Yes, it's a slow start but I'm determined to beat this thing. The high temperature in Richmond today was around 90 degrees so it's just another reminder (like I needed one) that I'm in for another fat summer. But by golly it will be the last! I've had my life on hold for too long. Things I used to love to do, like traveling to Europe, hiking, or swimming, are just a distant memory and as a result, all the joy has been sucked from my life. It stops right now.